Right Sizing - Part 3 - Quick, Quick, Sloooooooow...

As we dove into the purging and simplification process we could see how daunting a task it was going to be. It can be very difficult to get rid of things that you paid good money for or that hold sentimental value. but we were committed to making it happen.

As time went on I became more and more frustrated and dissatisfied with the situation at work. I realized it was time to pull the trigger and pursue my long time dream of self employment. I had been designing homes for several years working in architectural offices and doing freelance work when I could fit it in. Now it was time for me to focus on it full time.

Ali and I put together an exit strategy that would allow me to leave my job in 6 months. I designated July, 1 2013 as my Independence Day. I had a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time. Design projects started coming to me out of nowhere. Everything was falling into place.

As part of this plan we started looking into real-estate investment opportunities. The plan was to find houses with good bones but in poor and out dated aesthetic condition. I would re-design the layouts for more efficient use of space and do interior and exterior renovations to update the homes. we would either hold onto them as rental properties or re-sell them and use the profits as seed money. It was the perfect way to get my name out there and get my business off the ground.

After looking at several homes we found a small bungalow in Copperton. if you don't know where that is it's a very small town tucked up next to the Kennecott Copper mine on Salt Lake's West bench. I've always had a love for well established neighborhoods and passion for old homes. This one needed a lot of work, but the price was right and there was definitely money to be made. We put in a very low offer and it was accepted. Things started moving quickly. We were scheduled to close in a few short weeks and I began to plan for the renovation.

As I got into the project and started seeing all the possibilities I saw what this old house could become. Half joking I asked my wife "What if we don't sell this house after the renovations are made? What if we live in it?" "Yeah, I don't think so" was her first response, but soon she started asking question after question. As we talked about it more we both saw how great an opportunity this could be for our family and the new life we wanted to create.

We listed our house FSBO and it was under contract in a couple weeks. The proceeds from the sale of this home would cover the real-estate fees and most of the renovation. I began to look for short term financing to make up the difference. It was an absolute fiasco! The lenders could not believe that anyone in their right mind would want to walk away from a beautiful, brand new, 4,000 square foot home to live in a much smaller, older home.

We would have to use some very creative (yes, legal) financing to make it happen.

Then, everything came to a screeching halt.

The sellers of this house had several bankruptcies, leans and other judgments against them and it was going to take a while to clear things up. A month tops we were told. This would compact our renovation schedule and we would have to be somewhere temporary for a little longer. But we loved this little old house and were excited to tear into it and make it our home. It was worth the wait.

That was the end of May of last year. On June 6th I lost my job. This was frustrating because a lot of people had the impression that we were moving out of financial necessity. It was all part of the plan, my freedom had just been expedited. We closed on our house and moved into a small 2 bedroom apartment down the road from our new home. It was tight for a family of 5. Our 2 older kids shared the small bedroom and our youngest shared the master closet with our clothes.

By October we were still waiting. And waiting, and waiting....... Each month we had to sign an extension to the real-estate contract and were always told it would be "soon". Because we thought things would move quickly we didn't sign a long term lease and were paying ridiculously high rent on the apartment. my design projects dried up for a couple months and we were digging into our renovation savings. It was not a good situation.

Ali came to me several times saying enough is enough, time to cut our losses, move on, and find another home. She believed that finding this house we had been waiting for was an inspired way of getting us to move. I was reluctant at first but agreed to start looking again.

To be continued......

Right Sizing - Part 2 - Not Crazy... Hey, Let's Go Ride Bikes!

As I focused more and more on the life I wanted to live I began making token efforts to simplify and focus on the things that mattered most. My relationships, my physical health, and my overall happiness. On the outside things looked great. My son Graham was born a week after we moved We were making tons of friends in our new neighborhood,  I ran a full marathon. A 26.2 mile run is something I never thought I would accomplish.

The reality, I was absolutely miserable. It didn't make sense. I had everything I had always wanted and I hated it! I was working extra hours to pay the mortgage and other bills. I was making a lot more but somehow most months we were still living paycheck to paycheck. We had been in our new home for about a year and our stuff had again grown into our house and all the excess space was gone. Every room was filled with our "precious possessions" and the cracks were filled with nonsense. Even the unfinished basement and 3 car garage were bursting at the seams.

I was doing a pretty good job of making everyone else miserable too. Ali and I were not getting along. Trying to keep up with the housework, mischievous toddler, baby, and dog was keeping her very busy. The untidy state of the house caused me to feel like I was suffocating. I had these Mr Hyde episodes of panic and rage and our marriage was hanging by a thread.

I was losing my mind!

Thinking I should probably be admitted to a place with padded walls and rubber spoons I went to see a doctor. A "specialist" if you will.

I arrived for my appointment, paced around the waiting room and looked at outdated magazines and medical journals. Then they called my name. It was my turn and I froze. Only for a second but I froze and the thought crossed my mind "What if I am really insane?" I snapped out of it and went through the open door.

I was greeted by a young doctor who looked like M. Night Shayamalan. I sat down and we had casual small talk for a minute then he jumped into doctor mode and asked me why I was there to see him. Well, as I already told you on the million forms I had to fill out in your waiting room, I am losing my mind and making life miserable. I told him how I felt like I was being strangled and there was nothing I could do about it. This dialogue continued with questions about my childhood, my sleep habits, my relationships, my interests.... everything imaginable and it went on forever!

After this intense evaluation he told me that I was definitely dealing with moderate depression and anxiety but that they weren't his main concern. He said "Brandon, from our conversations it is evident to me that the depression and anxiety you are experiencing now and have dealt with throughout your life are being caused by untreated Attention Deficit Disorder".

I chuckled, he gave me a strange look then there was an awkward silence that lasted way too long.

He continued" I can't make an official diagnosis until we do a few more valuations and the depression is under control which is difficult because your ADD is the catalyst. That said, I have seen enough of this to tell you that it is there".

At this point I was just confused. ADD was something I had joked about with my friends in high school. It wasn't real. It was an excuse for absent minded people.

"So...what do I do?"

"Well, the benefit of diagnosis would be proper treatment and the option to prescribe medication, but I don't feel that's the right option in your case".

Then he said of the most profound things I have ever heard. It wasn't anything new but it was the context and the way he explained it. What it boiled down to....

SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE!

I could not see my life through the chaos I had created. He recommended eliminating anything and everything I could from my life that I wasn't passionate about. he said "still pay your bills and brush your teeth, but kill all the distractions of possessions, time wasters, and even relationships that don't add value to and enrich your life".

He gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant and asked me to set an appointment to come back in 2 weeks.

I left his office and drove home feeling like I was on another planet. Everything was strange but so many things now made sense. Why I had struggled with certain subjects in school and assignments at work while I excelled at others. Why in conversation I would finish people's sentences if I felt they weren't getting to the point. Why the distraction of clutter was literally killing me.

So many things were going through my mind at that time. Like watching 50 TV channels at once. If you have ADD or another superpower you know what I'm talking about and it's not cool. It's horrible!

I had to pull over to clear my head.

What this doctor had told me made perfect sense. It was great because now I understood myself a little better and had direction. But how was I going to do it?  I was about the least organized person on the planet. An absolute train wreck!

I went home and shared my experience with the wife. I told her the things the doctor had said and his recommendations. She agreed that these changes were long overdue and said she was willing to help make it happen.

I threw away the anti-depressant prescription and cancelled my return visit to crazy town and we went to work. We had a huge mountain to climb, but who better to climb it with?

To be continued...

Right Sizing - Part 1 - Screw the Joneses!

Yes, I hate them!

No, I’m not talking about the amazing family who were our neighbors for a few years.

Keeping up with the Joneses.

Sadly for most of us the standard measure for success has become the $. How much money we can make and what we do with it. Our culture has led us to believe that more is better. That bigger is better. In order to be viewed as successful we need to have more.

Our lives have been planned out and geared towards the goal of making it big and being successful. From a very young age we are shown the path. We’re told what to do and what not to do. In junior and senior high school the insanity begins. If you want to be successful wear these clothes, cut your hair like this, talk this way, make these friends, and join these clubs. And because that’s not already enough we are told it’s high time we start thinking about we want to do with our lives.

Which career will get you the highest paying job? What is the most impressive school for this field? What are their admission requirements? Did you score high enough on the standardized test?  Are you good enough?

This is “The Script”

Like most people I bought into it. I’ve done what we are all expected to do. Go to school (kindof), start a career, get married, have kids, buy things….

I was on the right track, moving up in “important” roles in the company. Part of my job description was sitting in pointless meeting after meeting where nothing was accomplished and against the grain thinking was often smothered. I would just sit there staring at the wall or out the window thinking “how did I get here?!?! Why am I doing this?!?!”

I had been spending a lot of time reading books about success and how got achieve it. How to do more of the work you don’t enjoy so you can have more $ so you can buy more of the things that don’t really need or care about. It all seemed so fake and meaningless!

Why did I put myself through this? Because it was the “right thing to do”. It was in the script.

Another line in this script reads “when you become more successful, you upgrade”

Time for a newer bigger house. At the time we were a family of 3 living in 2,500 square feet. More than enough space for our family. But our stuff had outgrown it and we were feeling cramped. We didn’t have to justify the decision, society had done that for us. Remember, We were moving up in life. I had a great job and we were making pretty decent $, my family was growing, and on top of that we were getting a killer deal on the real estate. We knew it was way more space than we needed but our needs would change over time and we would grow into it. It’s a great investment for our future, right? We deserve it, right?

About the time we pulled the trigger to build this home I moved into a new role at work. My job was to improve and simplify manufacturing and office processes. To observe and identify aspects of a process that don’t add real value to the product and work to reduce or eliminate it.

So much of what I was learning and doing applied to life!

I started reading different books and learning new things. The more I got into it the more I realized, hey, this applies to life! We spend so much time focusing on things that just don’t matter, things that don’t add real value or enrich our lives.

I began to pay more attention to the people I knew who were doing incredible things with their lives. These people are entrepreneurs, outdoor enthusiasts, artists, activists, educators, volunteers, travelers, parents and grandparents. They have this non-conformist attitude toward the script. They love life and are actively engaged in the pursuit of things they were passionate about. They value their relationships and experiences over money and possessions.

Something I noticed about these amazing people was that most of them lived very simply. Regardless of their financial status they didn’t carry a lot of baggage in this life. They didn’t subscribe to the idea that bigger is better. They were intrinsically motivated to live.

I wanted it!

To be continued….

The Back Story

Pause - Rewind.

June 6th, 2013 was a momentous day for me. A turning point. but it was definitely not the beginning. I had already spent the past few years in agony and frustration on a quest for sanity. That day was a catalyst for the future.

Over the next few posts I'm going to give you the backstory and set the stage for this what I write about in the future. I wish I had started sooner. So much has happened and I know I'll leave things out. Hopefully nothing too important.

Those of you who know me personally may be surprised with some of the things I share. Other things will be old news.

Press play!

June 6th

When I woke up this morning I checked the date on my phone. 6/6/2014

June 6th… Do I have something going on today? Why does this date feel significant?

I lay in bed through a couple 5 minute snoozes thinking about it and still nothing. So I got up to start the day. 

I drank a glass of water, ate a banana, and went out to the backyard to let our dozen chickens out of the coop. I paused for a few minutes to watch these funny, strange birds stretch their wings, run around and start scratching around in the dirt. It's got to feel pretty good to get outside after you've been standing on a stick all night long. Freedom!

Then it came to me 

June 6th!

One year ago today I lost my job.

Alright, alright.... I was fired.

I had been working for this company for 7 years. It had been a great job. A renowned and respected company backed by 100 years of tradition and excellence. They treated each employee with respect and provided great benefits and opportunities.

But that company no longer existed. It was being driven into the ground by a few very greedy people. It was a sad process to watch, the last year or so had been agonizing.

This company had trained me to observe and analyze. To break down processes and identify waste and inefficiency. My thoughts and observations fell upon deaf ears and I was basically told to watch my back and keep my mouth shut. I guess I learn the hard way because I didn't.

I had long since lost passion for the work I was doing and t was affecting my personal life. I had resigned myself to the fact that it wasn't going to get any better. I had a plan in place to leave the first of July. I was on track and things were falling into place but I didn't make it that long.

When I got pulled into the H.R. office I knew exactly what was coming.

It was a bitter sweet feeling walking out of the building with a box that day. I met countless amazing people, had some great experiences, and learned a ton. 

Then, I had a realization that forever changed my life.

I was no longer "Employee 7209"

I no longer had to live by the rules. It was time to Burn the Script society had written for me.

---

So much of what we have been taught about life is false. It's shameful, it really is. What we've learned about success, intelligence, fitness and nutrition, love.... There is so much more to life than we have been led to believe.

As kids we gained an understanding of the world on our own terms. I definitely learned my share of things the hard way. Worms don’t taste good, even when they’re cooked. Taking a road bike to the bmx track will end badly, every time. If you start a small fire in a field you will burn it down.

I’m still learning a lot of things the hard way and I love it. This past year has been a wild ride as I've learned to live life on my own terms. I’ve had countless enlightening experiences and breakthroughs along the way that have saved my life, marriage, and sanity. I'd feel very ungrateful to not share with everyone I can. 

So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to write. I am going to experience life and write about it.

If you like reality TV then stay tuned. I am so passionate about what I have to say that I guarantee I’ll make a complete fool of myself and embarrass those closest to me in the process (you have been warned).

I don’t know everything. I wouldn’t be doing this if I did. If you are looking for a life guru I am not. There are plenty of these people out there and I would be happy to point you in their direction. I’m here to learn. To try new things, fail miserably, and hopefully do some good. If I write something you disagree with or present an idea that is completely boneheaded, please, call me out on it. Share your ideas and opinions.

I’d love to have others write for me as well. I know some of the coolest people who do amazing things. I have an amazing and supportive wife who has been with me every step of this journey and I plan on coercing her to write from time to time.

Why am I doing this? There are several reasons, which I’ll share as time goes by, but for now I’ll just say

I love life and I love people.

If each post inspires one person to improve their life it will all be worthwhile.

Please become involved!

Comment on posts, ask questions, give suggestions for future posts, share this blog with others, and share YOUR journey! It would be awesome to learn from you too.