If These Shoes Could Talk.

I’m on about round 6 of deep physical purging. It has been a difficult mental and emotional process for me. Especially when it comes to things like the big box labeled “Mision de España Madrid”. It’s filled with everything imaginable from the time I spent as a missionary in Spain. Photos, area maps, bus passes, letters, trinkets, and memories of a time that by and large shaped who I am today.

I’m guessing some of you have similar boxes. Maybe from school or travels or another significant period.

One of the items in this box that I haven’t been able to part with is a nasty old pair of shoes.

First of all, Dr. Martens are quite possibly the worst shoes on the planet. Especially if you will be pounding the pavement for several miles a day. They are super heavy and stiff, they don’t breath at all, and they are expensive.

I was suckered into buying 2 pair!

The first pair never seemed to fit right. They were a strange burgundy color that didn't really look good with anything and they were by far the heavier of the 2 pair. I decided to ditch them when I left the second area I served in.

The second pair I ended up wearing 90% of the time. In Spain we rode busses and trains here and there and occasionally were given rides in cars but we mostly walked. I soon got used to the weight and feel of the shoes. Almost like they had become a part of me.

My quick guestimate calculation tells me that over the course of 2 years I easily put 2,500 miles on these clunkers.

About halfway through my service the shoes started to break down. The leather began to crack and I would replace a layer of duct tape on the inner heel every month or so. The soles wore down to the point that the heel was almost completely gone so I had them re-soled with old tire tread which lasted a lot longer than the glue used to hold them on.

A couple weeks ago I came across these shoes once more. Just holding them in my hands was enough to stir up powerful emotions and memories. This time I decided to put them on.

I finished up my time wearing a white shirt, tie and name tag over 11 years ago. I have been through this box countless times and seen my old shoes but had never thought of lacing them up.

This was the most uncomfortable pair of shoes I had ever worn!

The insides were falling apart and scraped my feet. There was a huge cavity where my toes had completely worn away the insole. When I stood up my feet hurt. I wasn’t even walking and it felt like I was wearing a matching pair of medieval torture devices!

How did I ever wear these things? Why do I still have them?

As a missionary I had recognized the deteriorating physical state of my shoes but don’t remember them ever being uncomfortable. They never bothered me and they took me where I needed to go.

So what was the difference? Nothing had changed so why were they so uncomfortable now?

Was it because my mind was focused on other things? I was dedicated to a cause I believed in and putting all my waking hours and every ounce of physical energy I had into serving others and sharing a message. I guess I didn’t have time in my life to worry or even think about how my shoes felt.

It didn’t bother me that I was living out of 2 suitcases and wore essentially the same thing every single day. It didn’t bother me that I was away from my family and friends for 2 years. It didn’t bother me that I was without so many of the conveniences and comforts I had been brought up with and had become accustomed to.

It's interesting how when we are in the monotonous, hum-drum pattern of day to day life we tend to focus on the trivial details. Things that are getting old and worn are in urgent need of replacement. We shop because we are bored, lonely, or sad and need a new _____ to keep us company. We over endulge in food because it gives us a temporary feeling of fullness and well being. We are constantly connected to and immediately respond to alerts for social media because we don't want to "miss out" on anything going on.....

In contrast, when we are passionately engaged in our lives we are more likely to focus on the essential. Things become just things and no longer have power over us. We spend more time building relationships people in our lives. We dedicate more of our time and resources to serving and lifting others. We seek to obtain knowledge and a better understanding of the world around us and where we fit in and can make a difference. We take better care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and all the other -allies.

The imperfections, hardships, and struggles are there and always will be but they are accepted and appreciated as our lives become more meaningful and abundant.

I think I've learned what I needed to from these shoes and can now let them go.

Thanks Shoes!